A video that meant alot to me, and shows roughly how my life actually is.

Systemic Lupus Erythematosus.

Never had I heard about that medical term. But it hit me in the face in 2006. A teenager, so young and healthy became so sick and helpless in a blink of an eye. Devastating much?

It's been 6 years now, and I still have it. No matter 10, 20 or even 50 years, I will always have it. Because there's no cure. That being said, I'm on medication for lifetime. It's definitely not easy to deal with the idea of having to eat medicines everyday for the rest of your life. But I had to do it. I have no choice. If I go against it, I would probably die, leaving all the people that I love behind.

I have Lupus, or rather what I would call it 'an illness which betrays its own body'. Its true. My body is attacking itself. The most frustrating part is not knowing the reason why and how I got this illness. Even after 6 years, doctors still couldn't find out why and how one can get this illness. Plus, there's no medicine in this world that can totally cure Lupus. In the olden days, they call this illness a death sentence. You'll either live or die. But as for now, my body still decide to be alive, and I'm thankful for that.

I've gone through a lot for the past 6 years, being in and out of hospital, getting needle pokes almost at every spot of vein they can find on my hands, lots and lots of different medications. The drugs that are supposed to help suppress the symptoms kills the body. I went through a series of body changes, from gaining and losing weight, to almost having a bald head from all the hair loss. The medications were so strong that my body blew up like a balloon and my hair became weak and I lost them. I was extremely devastated. When I think about those times, it still hurts inside.

Having to go through alot, it made me think of how strong I am to be standing here still, after all those years of suffering. I do think about my future. I do want to be successful in life. I want to get married and have my own children. I want a normal life. 

Someone ever told me, "Now, you are going to go out and do all the things that ensures your success." I used to believe that. But now, my mindset have changed. That's not the way that it will be. No matter where I go, no matter how successful I am, I still have Lupus. This is REALITY. 

Reality is not knowing when exactly is my last day on earth, because nobody knows when my illness is going to flare up and symptoms can be fatal. Reality is having low chances of having my own children, experiencing pregnancy and conceiving my baby because the strong medications that I'm on for long term can make me sterile, being unable to have children. Reality is having to carry the burden of Lupus on my two shoulders all my life until there's intervention.

Having to know that death can happen at anytime in my life scares me. Because I definitely don't want to leave the people I love. Mum, Dad, my siblings, my friends, and most importantly, Lathiff. Lathiff has been very supportive and I'm happy that he's entered my life. Although we know each other less than a year, the love I have for him is priceless, and so great. I love him dearly so so much. Everyday I pray to God, to give me a day more each time He wants to take me away, so that I can have more time to show and tell him how much I love him. I definitely don't want to hurt him and see him cry. An extra day to let him know how happy I am and how contented I am with his presence, how sincere and how true I am to him. At least when it's really time for me to go, I can go with ease in his arms because I've shown him how much he meant to me, and that he already knows...

With all that, I cherish him, I cherish the people that I love. And I know I'll never leave him..

A video that meant alot to me, and shows roughly how my life actually is.

Systemic Lupus Erythematosus.

Never had I heard about that medical term. But it hit me in the face in 2006. A teenager, so young and healthy became so sick and helpless in a blink of an eye. Devastating much?

It's been 6 years now, and I still have it. No matter 10, 20 or even 50 years, I will always have it. Because there's no cure. That being said, I'm on medication for lifetime. It's definitely not easy to deal with the idea of having to eat medicines everyday for the rest of your life. But I had to do it. I have no choice. If I go against it, I would probably die, leaving all the people that I love behind.

I have Lupus, or rather what I would call it 'an illness which betrays its own body'. Its true. My body is attacking itself. The most frustrating part is not knowing the reason why and how I got this illness. Even after 6 years, doctors still couldn't find out why and how one can get this illness. Plus, there's no medicine in this world that can totally cure Lupus. In the olden days, they call this illness a death sentence. You'll either live or die. But as for now, my body still decide to be alive, and I'm thankful for that.

I've gone through a lot for the past 6 years, being in and out of hospital, getting needle pokes almost at every spot of vein they can find on my hands, lots and lots of different medications. The drugs that are supposed to help suppress the symptoms kills the body. I went through a series of body changes, from gaining and losing weight, to almost having a bald head from all the hair loss. The medications were so strong that my body blew up like a balloon and my hair became weak and I lost them. I was extremely devastated. When I think about those times, it still hurts inside.

Having to go through alot, it made me think of how strong I am to be standing here still, after all those years of suffering. I do think about my future. I do want to be successful in life. I want to get married and have my own children. I want a normal life. 

Someone ever told me, "Now, you are going to go out and do all the things that ensures your success." I used to believe that. But now, my mindset have changed. That's not the way that it will be. No matter where I go, no matter how successful I am, I still have Lupus. This is REALITY. 

Reality is not knowing when exactly is my last day on earth, because nobody knows when my illness is going to flare up and symptoms can be fatal. Reality is having low chances of having my own children, experiencing pregnancy and conceiving my baby because the strong medications that I'm on for long term can make me sterile, being unable to have children. Reality is having to carry the burden of Lupus on my two shoulders all my life until there's intervention.

Having to know that death can happen at anytime in my life scares me. Because I definitely don't want to leave the people I love. Mum, Dad, my siblings, my friends, and most importantly, Lathiff. Lathiff has been very supportive and I'm happy that he's entered my life. Although we know each other less than a year, the love I have for him is priceless, and so great. I love him dearly so so much. Everyday I pray to God, to give me a day more each time He wants to take me away, so that I can have more time to show and tell him how much I love him. I definitely don't want to hurt him and see him cry. An extra day to let him know how happy I am and how contented I am with his presence, how sincere and how true I am to him. At least when it's really time for me to go, I can go with ease in his arms because I've shown him how much he meant to me, and that he already knows...

With all that, I cherish him, I cherish the people that I love. And I know I'll never leave him..